Thursday, November 23, 2006

More Criticizism

I was talking with a New York aquaintence a lil while back he said it was amazing how people only remember me as a dork drunken troublemaker. I haven't lived in New York since 1985 and even then I was drunk but isolated. I didn't raise hell like I did in the seventies. Yes, I did some really stupid shit. Evidently it was shit that no one could get over. But I think rather is was because the people I lived around and with were pretty much druggies and had issues of their own and they needed a scapegoat. I mean I never did anything worthy of jail that I can remember. Drunk driving, and once I broke into a friends garage to get some cash for beer. But he later thanked me when I told him what I did because my getting in there showed him how to burgler proof the place. (were talking 10 bucks here too.) I was pretty out of my mind with grief over my recent divorce, and I couldn't find a job, and I was in constant pain etc....I deserved being looked down upon for that.
After I got sober I played guitar for a poor African American Church, gave money away left and right to charities, never drank another drop of alcohol, didn't smoke any dope, went to work regularly and added to the GDP and paid my taxes. Raised a daughter who seems to be fairly senseable and sound in her decisions. Of course my wife had a lot more to do with that than I did but I think I have a big influence over her. And if I hadn't stopped drinking I'd be dead long ago. I got to live. So my critics can dredge up all the bullshit I pulled as a young drunk and point to my character and say "hes so and so or he did such and such" and be right, but then to be fair they'd have to say, well then he settled down, and did this right, and that right,...etc. To be fair.
If indeed fairness is what they seek in personal assesments.
At One point after I sobered up I wrote or called and talked to all the people I knew that I'd offended in one way or another and apologized. I meant it when I said that. I asked some how much I owed them for restitution and they told me. I did exactly what they told me to do in each case. Some wouldn't even discuss it. AND it was the Xtians who were the hardest about discussing forgiveness and restitution! They of all my former aquaintences STILL to this day say I'm the same as before. Most of them not having known or seen me for over 30 years.
Which is also OK. I loved some of those people and showed them that when we were together. I admit I was a mess, but when I was lucid and productive I was a benefit to them or they wouldn't have had me around. It just seems odd to me that I'm locked in a time warp with them and can't escape it. But hey.
Oh well.

The truth about my music

I put some samples of my CD up on my myspace site. I've gotten 275+ plays in a week. One download. Someone is listening anyway....

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A Busy Day

I haven't ignored this. I've just been living life everyday. I was talking to a friend from Texas today and we were talking about self absorbtion. I was criticized for that by an anonymous critic who was going to hit me upside the head for it.
Somehow I am quite self absorbed. I think it was because I was so isolated early in life and then disenfranchised and alienated by the circumstances immediately after my reaching the age of majority. When I blog I get all introspective and philosophical because when I'm alone thats what I do. When I talk to the people around me its always about whats going on and not about me. Its music or children or machines and tools. It truly must be boring to only hear me whine. I'm certain my critic was a relative. Who else gives a shit? No one. But hey, where was I when my parents got old? I was trying to earn a living. I have no high school diploma, and its a tough world when you have no special skills. So I muddled along until I became a steel worker. Then I found a niche and exploited it. I could never move from this organization especially at my age and with my health being what it is. And why would I want to? I make a lot of money and have a lot toys. I have a loving family and good trusted friends. If thats not the pinnacle of existence then Im no judge.

Job Offer

A guy at the facktery asked me to play guitar in his new band. He wanted to do covers of Pat Benetar (sp?) and Uriah Heep. I said 'no'. The Monkees? Hell yes!


The Past, Briefly

I wrote several times about personal past events as I saw them. Someone anonymously criticized and threatened me for my comments. If they knew me they'd know that what I wrote was true, that if my parents did the best they could they needed to get more training, and that every woman that I ever got pregnant was my wife.
I'm no angel and as I look back from this perch a lot of the criticisim is deserved. When you drink, smoke dope, and play music and your goal in life is not clear, and you have little direction you wander into territory that leads to trouble. Hypocrite? Whatever. If I believed something to be true in 1975 and in 2005 decided that my belief was unfounded, and my beliefs were decisions made while I was stoned or drunk or inbetween, and I changed that opinion, I think I have a right to that. What I do these days I don't have to apologize for. Unless its being wayyyy off key and out of tune.


Hello Hello

I have a My Space Music site with new stuff on it. I have pictures of me myself and I and I have I have I have a strange new wonderful world opening up every fifteen minutes. Crazy? You bet!

Sunday, February 20, 2005

I had power enough

to get you to come. But I didn't have enough to make you stay. To lead me on so seriously, was cold and bitter and evil in its way. While the black stars swirl on edge of the sky, its all at night; the owl in flight; the birds of prey, they hide in the day.
Talons deep in the flesh of my heart. You did it with your eyes the flesh started to part. You came to collect all that you got, and now in those talons that flesh begins to rot.
Rots right down to the bare bare bone
All I ever said was
"leave me alone"
All I ever wanted was
"to be on my own"
All I ever said was
"Leave me alone"

I had power enough to make you leave
but before you went I had my heart on my sleeve
I had my fingers inside
of a warm rose's bed
like a bird in the night
like a bird of the dead
It rotted right down to the bare bare bone
all I ever said to you
was just
"Leave me alone"


Friday, February 18, 2005

I got

angry at work tonight. I was told I had no credibility with my peers. I was PUT in this job cause all the previous people were stoned and failing the drug tests. I reminded my critic of that fact. He later recanted and apologized. But we have a communications system and I use it. If I have to be critical about an issue I am. So far 2 people have whined that I have no right to say what I do. I told the big boss when I left last night, that I was through writing in the book. He told me to let it go. He said I needed to write in the book.
Older workers genrally dont make waves. They ride em out and retire. The unfortunate part of 'inspecting' a product is you have to be critical. We have criteria we said we'd meet. If we do less, we lie. If we lie, we lose business. I don't want that. I want it to be there for me if I live long enough to make it to retirement. Sad time in my existence to get principled. But it happened. I have a vested interest these days. Its not penny ante. I honestly dont care if everyone in that dump hates me. Im gonna do the right thing. I love sleep, and good dreams.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

I've got no time for you right now

Don't bother me.
Ahh George Harrison. I always thought he looked so 'sage-ey' with the thick beard and the thick long hair. I realized he was some version of anti-orthodoxial Xtianty and heretical Hinduisim. But "HE's SO Fine" du lang du lang du lang,
"Wish he were mine" du lang du lang du lang. Was subliminally originated to get the listening public TO WANT him. (George) Cause like everybody else wanted Paul. I particularly wanted John, but just because of the way he held his mouth when he sang. It was horselike in its grace and gentility, then it morphed into human with that odd smile. Odd because he was such an angry person. downers do that to you. Make you angry. Look at George Carlin! Angry. vicodin. red wine.
But it was all an Illusion! Its like living with a plumber. Hes a great guy, and fine with the tools. But never gets out of "Smallville" because he knows too much about too many. In "Metropolis" the plumbing is done by conglomerates.
While my guitar gently weeps. Theres something in the way she moves. but its gonna take money, a whole lot of spending money. Lil Darlin the smiles returning to their seems like years since its been clear. And I've got no time for you right now. Dont bother me.

Friday, February 11, 2005

It doesnt bother the Congress

even a little bit to change social security. To dip into it. To offer it to second cousins of second cousins. To cut benifits to the man who has payed in for 50 years. Congress has its own plan.
It doesnt bother them to change medicaid or medicare. They have their own plan. They can tax you beyond 50% of your income. They just do it in increments of 2% here and 3% there. They will get their money. They are the aristocracy. They rule. Look carefully at your utilities bill. Read the newspaper when the headlines talk of re-assessing your property. No new tax. Just a HUGE new re-assessment.Most of the politicians from your state live in the Bahamas, or Jamaica, or Rural Virginia or Maryland. Most of them are lawyers.The balance are CEO's. Standing board members or board members who have 'stepped down' for a season to serve.
They get the best of everything. The wage earner on the other hand gets nothing. A wage. A taxed wage. A taxed to death wage. When a congressman/Senator retires he gets a huge portion of his present salary as his retirement. some get 100% They fly free, they are chauffeured everywhere, and eat free wherever they eat. If the court of George the IIIrd were offered what a congressman gets today he would have lived better than the king.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

I'm fairly certain

Blogs are for people who like to hear themselves talk. Im my best friend. I'd say my wife was but we differ politically and religiously. She's a close second. But I like me a lot.If I had a friend like me I'd hang out with him. I mean he'd be funny, serious, cynical, dumb, have some insight, have no clue.... But I don't know anyone at all like myself. Maybe thats why I can't keep a band together. Im far too wierd. I'd even do cover tunes. But nahhhh. Why. All the younger kids I meet that play are too scared theyre novices, and/or I dont do death Metal. I really like Marines. I found that out recently. Most of the people who I hang with at work are former marines. And one in particular is extremely smart! I know what youre thinking. But its true. He's a country western man however. Thats a problem for me.
We are going through a lot of changes at work and some will be very good. I'm going to be challenged to do some physical work that I haven't done in 10 years. I had the heart attack. I hope I can do it. I told them I'd try. I'd like to get the raises. I want to get more physical. I'm losing weight a lot and the walking will really take it off. But being diabetic Im prone to cramping a lot and when I get em I get doublebarrelled ones.
I just want to get to retirement. Then if I live, have enough money to do a few things. Not worry. It's possible. It's not out of the question. I'm not accustomed to the cuts our company is making to save money but a healthier me now means I'll have money for health care 15 years down the road, if I live that long. I don't expect to but I'm gonna try to. 8 more to retirement. 8 exactly this week. Our company is instituting a medical saving accouunt within IRS rules. If I can start contributing and NOT HAVE TO USE it now, it will accrue interest and be there when Im out and away from work as I know it. I'll probably do something but just not this. Maybe I'll be a walmart Janitor. Now theres an aspiration.

Butt Can Eye

Say it another way?
I was in Toronto once
and a nice lady asked me to paint her kitchen for a few dollars.
She trusted me, but the paint didnt cover.
she was english
and I was an american and
we were in toronto in Yorkville.
It was not love
it was not tenderness
it was strictly
although she smelled delicious
and had HUGE apples
and twins.
I was there to paint the kitchen.
The quakers had sent me over
it was their idea of work for shelter.
the paint was watered wayyyyyyyyyyy
down and
wayyyyyyyyyyy too light fot the wall.
It would have taken
7000 coats to do the job.
I was soooooooooooo
She was thirties
and beautiful
and English.
I was an American in
Toronto Ontario
h3b 8r9
There I was again
with NO
way OUT.
Jean Paul Sarte.


What a week so far. Oh well it doesnt resume till Friday. Thats the break. I been so down with this bruised lung thing. I mean now Im hackin and its like hackin sand. Real explosive. Real catches you off guard. Man.
But If I name that disease I get the antidote?
"Yes sir Mr. Thornebow, thats the prize!"
well, ...uh... its ....uh.....chlorophoreisa Paratonoxitis?
"Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Oh were so sorry sir.. But damn that was close...attendants? roll his gurney out please..."
Thank you firesign theater.....
I need a fix cause Im going down
down to the bits that I left uptown
I need a fix cause Im going down...

pardon me roy? is that the cat who stole your new shoes?

choo choo me home homey.

If I just
If Id have said it better...
If I'd maybe put it this way....
Maybe I should say it another way....
say it another way, say it another way.....
thanks mike.
for knowing what you know
the universe will provide.

Ich bin habe
Kronologic fisburn pornographic priestess
say it
another way?
say it
another way?
and sphylis
combined to form
Theosophsyphillic Logic Knowledge
can I

in its intent
in its
it fucks with
my dinner
and invades
all my
The Universe will provide