Thursday, November 23, 2006

More Criticizism

I was talking with a New York aquaintence a lil while back he said it was amazing how people only remember me as a dork drunken troublemaker. I haven't lived in New York since 1985 and even then I was drunk but isolated. I didn't raise hell like I did in the seventies. Yes, I did some really stupid shit. Evidently it was shit that no one could get over. But I think rather is was because the people I lived around and with were pretty much druggies and had issues of their own and they needed a scapegoat. I mean I never did anything worthy of jail that I can remember. Drunk driving, and once I broke into a friends garage to get some cash for beer. But he later thanked me when I told him what I did because my getting in there showed him how to burgler proof the place. (were talking 10 bucks here too.) I was pretty out of my mind with grief over my recent divorce, and I couldn't find a job, and I was in constant pain etc....I deserved being looked down upon for that.
After I got sober I played guitar for a poor African American Church, gave money away left and right to charities, never drank another drop of alcohol, didn't smoke any dope, went to work regularly and added to the GDP and paid my taxes. Raised a daughter who seems to be fairly senseable and sound in her decisions. Of course my wife had a lot more to do with that than I did but I think I have a big influence over her. And if I hadn't stopped drinking I'd be dead long ago. I got to live. So my critics can dredge up all the bullshit I pulled as a young drunk and point to my character and say "hes so and so or he did such and such" and be right, but then to be fair they'd have to say, well then he settled down, and did this right, and that right,...etc. To be fair.
If indeed fairness is what they seek in personal assesments.
At One point after I sobered up I wrote or called and talked to all the people I knew that I'd offended in one way or another and apologized. I meant it when I said that. I asked some how much I owed them for restitution and they told me. I did exactly what they told me to do in each case. Some wouldn't even discuss it. AND it was the Xtians who were the hardest about discussing forgiveness and restitution! They of all my former aquaintences STILL to this day say I'm the same as before. Most of them not having known or seen me for over 30 years.
Which is also OK. I loved some of those people and showed them that when we were together. I admit I was a mess, but when I was lucid and productive I was a benefit to them or they wouldn't have had me around. It just seems odd to me that I'm locked in a time warp with them and can't escape it. But hey.
Oh well.

The truth about my music

I put some samples of my CD up on my myspace site. I've gotten 275+ plays in a week. One download. Someone is listening anyway....

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A Busy Day

I haven't ignored this. I've just been living life everyday. I was talking to a friend from Texas today and we were talking about self absorbtion. I was criticized for that by an anonymous critic who was going to hit me upside the head for it.
Somehow I am quite self absorbed. I think it was because I was so isolated early in life and then disenfranchised and alienated by the circumstances immediately after my reaching the age of majority. When I blog I get all introspective and philosophical because when I'm alone thats what I do. When I talk to the people around me its always about whats going on and not about me. Its music or children or machines and tools. It truly must be boring to only hear me whine. I'm certain my critic was a relative. Who else gives a shit? No one. But hey, where was I when my parents got old? I was trying to earn a living. I have no high school diploma, and its a tough world when you have no special skills. So I muddled along until I became a steel worker. Then I found a niche and exploited it. I could never move from this organization especially at my age and with my health being what it is. And why would I want to? I make a lot of money and have a lot toys. I have a loving family and good trusted friends. If thats not the pinnacle of existence then Im no judge.
heh.

Job Offer

A guy at the facktery asked me to play guitar in his new band. He wanted to do covers of Pat Benetar (sp?) and Uriah Heep. I said 'no'. The Monkees? Hell yes!

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The Past, Briefly

I wrote several times about personal past events as I saw them. Someone anonymously criticized and threatened me for my comments. If they knew me they'd know that what I wrote was true, that if my parents did the best they could they needed to get more training, and that every woman that I ever got pregnant was my wife.
I'm no angel and as I look back from this perch a lot of the criticisim is deserved. When you drink, smoke dope, and play music and your goal in life is not clear, and you have little direction you wander into territory that leads to trouble. Hypocrite? Whatever. If I believed something to be true in 1975 and in 2005 decided that my belief was unfounded, and my beliefs were decisions made while I was stoned or drunk or inbetween, and I changed that opinion, I think I have a right to that. What I do these days I don't have to apologize for. Unless its being wayyyy off key and out of tune.

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Hello Hello

I have a My Space Music site with new stuff on it. I have pictures of me myself and I and I have I have I have a strange new wonderful world opening up every fifteen minutes. Crazy? You bet!
smooches.