Someday Im sure

That the medical profession will be able to assist people with kidney stones in a manner that allows their recover to wander farther than 1o feet from a bathroom...but I digress... I got an e mail from a dear friend from Joliet, Ill. She was my girlfriend in 1965. Yes, just after the civil war. She always remembers my birthday. Its so kind. I enjoy hearing the news of their lives and familiy as well.  I used to think that getting old would be boring, but after all the crap I've been through medically I can tell you rollercoasters aint shit. But you grow in relationships. I have another very good friend in Silvis, Illinois who although I rarely see him I keep him in my thoughts. He was like my big brother when we were kids and we had a band together. He went on to immense wealth and prosperity because he was industrious and frugal.  He saw some huge ups and downs in life and turned them all into positives. He is my hero in a lot of ways, because even though he had no parental guidence as a boy, his grandparents loved him and gave him good counsel and he followed it to success in his life. I have a friend near Philadelphia who was my running buddy when I lived in Upstate New York. He recently had a nasty bout with pneumonia and told me on the phone the other night that he was glad he didnt die cause he wants me to do that first. (!) I said ok, but now ya pissed me off and I'm gonna live a long ass time....I have another beautiful friend in Connecticut who runs a fabulous Italian ristorante that his father left him, and goes to Italy one month a year for vacation. He is a superb chef, and a part time disc Jockey at the university of Connecticut. He knows his music. He loves folk music, but he and I were always Rolling Stones fans. He can rattle off jazz greats, and he loves Sinatra and Armstrong. He had a huge struggle with Hep C. He was on interfereon for a while in his life and it nearly killed him. Im so glad he's alive. I was able to drive up there after my surgery in 2002 and we spent a couple days together talking spirituality, music, and I ate his fabulous cooking.  He grills Salmon with honey/mustard sauce and oh my GOD!
We went swimming in a local lake and played guitar and jammed with his son the drummer.  Life and age are wonderful. Im certain there are those who have some issues that seem hopeless. All my good thoughts are with you this night. Overcome. Find a way. I've seen people who have been totally written off by the medical profession with cancer live for years and thrive. I've seen others just give up. OR they have simply to change a habit and live happier and they refuse. Above all prove what you say so your word is good. Old can be truly delicious. It can be touching, and dear. It is for me where its at now and I am glad I arrived. I know too many now who have not. That is saddening. That is a shame. I know too many who are, (like I myself did) throwing caution to the wind.... My sons for instance.
I have a fifteen year old daughter, by another marriage. She is pregnant. I was so disappointed because she's beautiful, and talented, and has an high IQ.  She plays piano, flute, and sings quite well. (classically)  She hates me because I insisted she take a different path than the one she's on and I attempted to get her into therapy. She couldnt take the confrontation and walked out of the sessions. Her mother had me sign off my parental rights when she was born in 1988 and showed up at my door when she was 12 years old, telling me stories of fear and rebellion.  Of course she also wanted to reinstate my parental rights because I held a good job for a long time and she could get good money from me. But thats neither here nor there. Its not long now till she's eighteen. She's going to cosmetology school after finishing her high school at home, and caring for her baby. The father is 16 and is flipping burgers. I dont know much more about the situation because she doesnt talk to me. She hasnt since she walked out of counseling in Jan of 2004. I know it isnt the end of the world. I wish things had been different. I tried hard to get them to be but I had no general control over her behavior. It was obvious to me from the get go that this was going to be the result. I wasnt shocked when I was presented with the news. I was just disappointed. It makes the life struggle that much harder and what kind of life is that baby going to have being raised by a rebellious teenager?  I have another friend and he and his wife are raising their daughters, daughter. Its quite common these days. They love her  like their own daughter, who is running and stoned. The little granddaughter is always asking..."does my mommy love me?" "Will she ever come back home?" and that is heartbreaking. I know, I can hear the advice flood in already. I guess I belong to people who are picking up the pieces that are scattered generationally.  I guess Im dealing with a situation that I do by the seat of my pants. I will for the rest of my life try to make it better. No matter what. I am and have had some successes in the last 18 years. I no longer consider myself useless shoeleather. I once thought I would never have anything or amount to anything and this was reinforced by my parents who were eternally disappointed in my behavior. And I was disappointed in theirs. It must be God. He put good people in my pathway in really bad times in my life. People who cared for me, put up with my drunken stoned stupidity, and loved me unconditionally. They taught me what my parents wouldnt or couldnt. I try to pass that along to the daughter I have who lives with me.  Having a beautifull wife who is loving and smart dont hurt one bit. Getting old is really fine. Its really different than what I expected and somedays when its cold, and my arthritis is hurting and my kidney stones are moving and my angina is squeezing my chest, and my head aches from the stupid medicine I think ..jeeze....I need sleep. I need rest. But I pull on my pants and my boots, go to work and do the best that I can. I come home and help out. I do the best that I can. I play my music to relax. Music is everything. Music is love. Music is me.
And I will always do the right thing and I will always do my best.
Bowe