Sunday and Cloudy

June 27th
My Big Brain is stifling me. (thanks Mr. Keneally)
Join forces with the ones who love me so.
No atheist can be convinced that a God exists. Except to actually have an encounter with God. Then the movie changes. Like every other human being I've always wanted to live. Some struggle through schooling and then get a position and claw their way to the top. I think with the exception of a couple people, that I'm aware of anyway,the bitterness of the hard work makes them fiercely covetous of that high position and they rule their domains with an anger either overtly or subvertly that has a negative ripple that flows downward to the next generation of those climbing up.Then the anger gets compiled like compound interest on the next batch of successful people.
Then some people just constantly struggle. Other people cannot see the despair, they just see the outward appearance. Some in consular positions have a tendency to advise the struggler to lighten up. Just like that. Just do it.
The difficulties lie in our own minds. The mistakes lie in our own minds. I 've been told by towering intellectuals that Im an idiot. In a lot of ways they are sooooo right.I dont have the patterns of logical deduction down. I cannot see every perspective.There are those that are by their intellectual prowess, able to corner every situation and analyze it to defense or destruction. I've always had my emotions in the way. I didnt develop any of the intellectual abilities that I was born with via the educational system. I used drugs and alcohol to numb the emotional pain that I felt ever since I was a small child. I must have been attention deficit as well. I always had a movie going on in my head when I need to concentrate on studies.
But success can be measured by more than monetary increase. Do you have a calm and stable home? Do you have people in you circle you can confide in? Can you trust your spouse? Will you child tell you the truth? Can you go to work knowing that you superiors trust your judgement? Can you say that your peers respect what you do?
I can say that the mystical aspect of this life does have to be accounted for. Even if the intellectual community poo poo's it. I have experienced it. There is something (at least for me) that is at work outside of the three dimensions. (and superstring theory demands 10 dimensions in the universe). Survival of the fittest is sometimes usurped by assistance for some outside force. That is the force that I recognize as God. I was informed by that force that Jesus Christ is the diety that makes life possible for fools like me. Throughout my life I've been able to see that force at work.
I can be a critic. I was told by a cynic once that anyone can be critical. I think after having gone through substance abuse rehab and years of sobriety, that the alcoholic personality develops the criticism because of the endless self beating that they do after they sober up. Lets see what wrong today. I criticised my City Council for spending a lot on city decorations especially in the downtown, where the major traffic is to the Gambling Riverboat. But I was driving the other day around town and it is better that we spruce the joint up. It look much better than it did in 1984 when I first moved here. I was just angry because they had increased my property taxes to do this and then put more demands on me taxwise, for education, the police force, the firedepartment.
The definition of "Church" is subject to the definers. I railed against it as a business. I was at a black Church last night in Freeport, Illinois that raised 10,000.00 in an half hour to give to the ministry. There were less than 50 people there as well. The ministry at that particular African American Church are firm King James Version fundamentalists. And they are emotionally wild and screamy. The congregation is gregarious and touchy feely. The building looked like it could have been an old Methodist church....by old I mean like 1950's....
Bowe